a day of liberation

I wrote this the day after Christmas, just two weeks after Myles Hamby asked me to marry him.  Here I am now, two weeks away from actually marrying him…

Laying here in bed, praying a bit and pondering how

marriage

is

liberating.

The world says marriage means you are

stuck

tied down.

The world proclaims that “love” without covenant is the free life.  It’s a scam.  Sure you are free – free to

have your heart broken over and over

become numb and hard

take care of yourself

be selfish forever, and thereby self-destruct

muster up courage every day to believe in yourself

acquire STDs

worry about unwanted pregnancies.

When I think about marrying Myles, I think that marriage sounds like

freedom.

My wedding day will be

a day of liberation.

This past year I have been more seriously committed to one person than I ever have in my whole life.  It has been

the most

freeing year

ever.

I have been liberated to fully enjoy the things I love most

like running, because I have someone to run with

like cooking, because I have someone to enjoy what I create

like writing, because I have someone who cares about every word I write

I have run more often, and run harder because of Myles.

I have cooked with more excellence, and enjoyed it more because of Myles.

I have written more creatively, and with freedom because of Myles.

I have been liberated to most fully be myself

to rescue girls in trouble, because I have someone to protect me

to mother orphans, because I have someone to be a father to them

to love lost people, because I someone to care with me

to pray for strangers, because I am with someone with more faith than I have

to be beautiful, because I have some to cherish and guard my beauty

to dream big, because there is someone who believes in me more than I do

to be silly, because there is someone to laugh

to weep and weep hard, because there is someone to hold me.

Crying hard by myself is too painful.  But when there is someone to hold me, I can let my pain run outside of me.

My second week of being friends with Myles, I was describing him and our friendship to a woman I love and trust.  She said,

“If one can slay a thousand, two can slay ten thousand.”

I am liberated to swing my sword

and do more than just survive.

I am liberated to conquer.

To win.

When I marry Myles I will be liberated even more

to love with every ounce of passion, with no holding back for fear this might not last

to experience sexual pleasure with someone who will still be there in the morning

who will still be there in 50 years

to be a mother, full of confidence, because my children will have a good father.

I am not naive.  I know that choosing covenant is dying to myself for a lifetime.  I know that when I choose marriage, I hand over the right to my own body, the right to my own time, the right to my own priorities.

And I know that when I choose the Perfect Love of God to be my own, I die a death.  But I die to rise again to new life.  I die to resurrect.

Marriage is an echo.  It’s a shadow of things to come.  A symbol of a Perfectly Loving God taking unto Himself a people in faithfulness forever.

Marriage is resurrection.  It is death of one way of living, and abundant life to a new way.

When I covenanted my life to God’s,

or rather when I responded to His covenant to me,

I surrendered my right to my own life.

And I was liberated

to enjoy my runs, because of God’s joyful presence ran with me

to enjoy cooking creatively, because the Originator of All Food became my Friend

to write with passion, because of Love in my bones

to love hard, because I tasted Love myself

to weep, because I have a Comforter

to laugh, with true joy

to rescue, because I have been rescued

to live a life bigger than myself, because I have Eternity in my chest

to mother, because I have a Good Father and so my children can too

to experience intimacy with Someone I can trust to be Faithful Forever

to win, because all things have been conquered by Him.

I feel free because

I am SAFE

and I am TAKEN CARE OF.

I am free because

I do not have to protect myself

and survive on my own.

Love is

“protecting and providing for that which has been given to you as a privilege.”

I am treated as a privilege by Myles

and by my Lord.

I am protected.

I am cared for.

I AM FREE.

And I step forward into more and more freedom.  With my God and with my husband-to-be.

The more I surrender myself, the more freedom I am able to experience.  The more of my rights I hand over, the more goodness I have access to.

It is an upside down kingdom.

It is a kingdom that cannot be shaken.

Image

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “a day of liberation

  1. Oh, Lindsay, thank you for pouring out what God has poured into you. This has truly blessed and encouraged me. Thanks for being a faithful servant. Congratulations on finding love that captures a taste of Christ’s undying love for humanity. -Braelyn S.

  2. wow Lindsey! God truly has gifted with very powerful words. You and Myles continue to be such an inspiration to all those around you. 🙂

  3. Thank you for sharing this with me linds. Sometimes I feel like I should think about getting in another relationship just to share my life with anyone. When I read this, I better understand the things that I want in my future partner and I better realize what is necessary to be truly happy. I’ve only known the two of you for a very small amount of time but I still have to say, you two seem perfect for each other. I always feel such positive energy when you are working with me and I feel that energy multiplied when the two of you are together. Congratulations on your big day with such a bawler (Myles…obviously) and, even though you clearly don’t need it, I wish the two of you the best of luck. 🙂

  4. Linds, this is so profound and beautiful!! I feel so honored and privileged to know you and Myles and to have you experience so much of this freedom you describe! I have learned so much from your love for one another. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s